The Science of Struggling: How Enabling Constraints Can Transform Your ADHD Brain

I spent years thinking something was wrong with me. Despite having brilliant ideas and feeling genuinely excited about projects, I'd somehow end up three hours deep researching vintage typewriters when I should have been writing a proposal. Yet, give me two hours notice to create a presentation that should need days to complete, and it'll not only get it done, it'll be great. Does this sound familiar?

Getting my ADHD diagnosis at 58 was like putting on glasses for the first time. Suddenly, everything came into focus. The way I'd start ten projects and struggle to finish them, the overwhelming feeling when faced with too many choices, the procrastination that, at times, felt impossible to overcome. My brain wasn't faulty - it just worked differently. Yes, ADHD does come with gifts and talents, but all too often we beat ourselves up for our "failings" and we don't recognise our successes and that just creates stress.

Then I was introduced to something that genuinely changed my life: enabling constraints. This isn't another productivity trick that you'll abandon after two weeks. This is what my ADHD coach taught me to think of as a "life operating system designed to help you remove distractions and provide focus."

When your brain works differently, the right enabling constraints aren't limitations. They're launch pads.

Why Our Brains Work This Way

Let me explain what's actually happening in our brains, because understanding this changed everything for me. People with ADHD have differences in key brain areas, particularly the prefrontal cortex and our reward systems.

Think of your prefrontal cortex as your brain's personal assistant. It handles planning, prioritising, and staying focused on tasks. In ADHD brains, this area is often quieter than average. It's like having a personal assistant who gets distracted by every interesting conversation happening around the office.

Then there's dopamine - and this one's huge. Dopamine isn't just about feeling good; it's what drives motivation and focus. It's literally the molecule of more - it makes us want to keep going and do the next thing. When faced with something boring or overwhelming, typical brains can push through because they get enough reward from completing it. Our brains? We need bigger, more immediate rewards to stay engaged. Novelty, excitement or urgency, typically motivate us.

The game changer for me? Most of us are used to feeling relief when we finally get something done. "Thank goodness that's over." Although "goodness" is not the word I usually use! But with the right constraints, we can shift from relief to actual reward - that satisfying feeling of accomplishment that makes you want to tackle the next task. This is dopamine working for us instead of against us.

You can supercharge this reward system with something I call task doubling - combining tasks so you get multiple benefits from one activity. Take a 20-minute walk and pick up the milk you forgot yesterday. Suddenly you're getting exercise, fresh air, completing an errand, and probably some mental clarity too. Your brain loves this efficiency and rewards you with multiple dopamine hits for what feels like one simple action.

This explains why you can spend six hours absorbed in something fascinating but struggle to answer emails for ten minutes. Your brain is constantly seeking out more rewarding activities because mundane tasks just don't provide enough fuel.

There's also our working memory - think of it as your mental notepad. ADHD brains often have smaller notepads, so when faced with too many options or a massive, unclear task, we quickly run out of space. Overwhelm kicks in at this point.

You know that feeling when you look at everything you need to do and suddenly feel frozen? That's not weakness - that's overwhelm triggering your stress response. Your brain, faced with too much information and too many competing priorities, essentially hits the emergency brake. The stress hormones flood in, and suddenly even simple tasks feel impossible. You end up scrolling social media or cleaning the house instead of tackling what actually needs doing - not because you're avoiding responsibility, but because your brain is desperately seeking relief from the overwhelm.

The result? We freeze, put things off, or escape to something that feels more manageable. It's a protective response, it's not a character flaw.

Enabling Constraints: Your Personal Operating System

This is where enabling constraints come in. I know it sounds contradictory, but constraints can actually set you free. By deliberately limiting your options and creating structure, you reduce the mental load and make it easier for your brain to get started and keep going.

Picture this: if someone says "create something," you might stare at a blank page for hours. But if they say "write a 100-word story about a sock that goes on an adventure," suddenly your brain knows exactly what to do.

Enabling constraints work because they:

- Cut down on decision fatigue by limiting choices

- Give you clear starting points and boundaries

- Create just enough pressure to get moving

- Break overwhelming tasks into bite-sized pieces that don't trigger stress paralysis

- Provide the structure your brain is craving

- Work as a personalised operating system for your unique mind

- Transform tasks from sources of relief into sources of reward - giving you that dopamine hit that naturally motivates you to keep going

- Prevent the overwhelm-stress-paralysis cycle by making everything feel manageable

Building Your Life Operating System

My ADHD coach showed me that enabling constraints can transform every area of life. Let me share what I've learned:

Stop Decision Fatigue Before It Starts

Decision fatigue is real, and we feel it more than most. Every choice you make depletes your mental energy. By afternoon, even simple decisions can feel impossible.

Instead of waking up to endless possibilities (which sounds lovely but is actually overwhelming), I created a structured morning routine. This isn't about being rigid - it's about saving your mental energy for decisions that actually matter.

What works for me: Same five things, same order, every morning. Shower, coffee, ten minutes reading, check my three priority tasks, then start work. No decisions needed. This saves my brain power for the important stuff and sets me up for a productive day.

Try templates. Create go-to options for recurring choices. Some successful people wear similar outfits every day. Others eat the same breakfast or take the same route to work. These constraints free up mental space for bigger decisions.

Take the Stress Out of Money Management

Money management can feel overwhelming when you have ADHD. There are endless budgeting methods, investment options, and financial decisions to make. Automation constraints work brilliantly here.

Set and forget systems: Direct debits for bills, automatic savings transfers, and clear spending categories remove constant financial decision-making. When money comes in, it automatically goes where it needs to go.

Digital Money Jar method: Create specific spending buckets with clear limits. When your "eating out" money is gone, that's your natural stopping point. This isn't about restricting yourself - it's about spending intentionally without constant mental maths.

Make Relationships Easier with Communication Templates

ADHD brains can struggle with social communication. We might overthink messages, forget to reply, or find it hard to express ourselves clearly. Communication templates provide structure while keeping things authentic.

Email templates: Create templates for common situations - requesting meetings, following up, or politely declining invitations. This stops you staring at blank emails wondering how to phrase things.

Conversation frameworks: Develop simple structures for tricky conversations. Something like "I feel X when Y happens - could we try Z instead?" This gives you a framework while allowing genuine expression.

Regular connection: Set constraints around maintaining relationships. Schedule monthly coffee dates, weekly family calls, or regular check-ins with colleagues. The constraint ensures relationships don't suffer from ADHD forgetfulness. Try task doubling here too - have walking meetings with colleagues, exercise with friends, or call family while doing household tasks. You're maintaining relationships while getting other things done, and your brain rewards you for the efficiency.

Stop Your Focus from Scattering

ADHD brains love learning but often struggle with information overload. We start courses, bookmark articles, buy books, and somehow end up learning nothing deeply. Learning constraints create focus.

One thing at a time: Only pursue one online course actively. Finish it completely before starting another. This stops you collecting half-finished learning materials.

Time-boxed research: Set specific limits when learning something new. "I have 30 minutes to understand the basics of this topic" prevents those six-hour research rabbit holes that leave you exhausted. I use the timer on my phone to help with with this.

The teaching test: Commit to explaining what you've learned to someone within a week. This forces active learning and prevents passive information consumption. This should be easy - we're ADHD! Try stopping us telling you about our new discovery.

Make Exercise Actually Stick

Exercise is brilliant for ADHD brains - it boosts dopamine and improves focus. But complex gym routines often fail because they're overwhelming. Exercise constraints simplify everything.

Keep it simple: Same time, same place, same activity. Maybe a 20-minute walk every morning or the same yoga video three times weekly. Remove all decision-making from exercise.

Task doubling wins: Combine exercise with other things you need to do. Walk to the shops instead of driving, have walking meetings for phone calls, or do bodyweight exercises while watching TV. Your brain gets multiple rewards from one activity - exercise endorphins, task completion, and often social connection or entertainment too.

Start ridiculously small: This one is really important. Set constraints that feel almost too easy. "I'll do five push-ups every morning" or "I'll walk for ten minutes after lunch." When exercise feels overwhelming, we don't do it at all. Make it feel achievable rather than stress-inducing.

Stack with existing habits: Attach movement to things you already do. "After making coffee, I'll stretch for five minutes." This uses existing routines to build new ones. Even better, try task doubling - stretch while your coffee brews, take calls while walking, or do squats while brushing your teeth. Multiple benefits, multiple rewards, greater motivation to actually do it.

Get Tech to Handle the Boring Stuff

Technology can provide excellent constraints for ADHD brains. AI assistants and apps can handle routine tasks that often overwhelm or distract us.

Automated scheduling: Use tools to handle meeting coordination and calendar management. Check your calendar at specific times rather than constantly managing it. This is the cornerstone of my therapy business - an automated booking and calendar system. Its foolproof and it's reduced my stress no end.

Task breakdown: Ask AI to break complex projects into smaller, specific steps with deadlines. This transforms overwhelming projects into manageable tasks.

information filtering: Use AI to summarise long documents, filter important emails, or create news briefings. This prevents information overload while keeping you informed.

Avoiding the Rabbit Hole

You know the drill. You sit down to work on something important, but suddenly you're researching the history of paper clips, which leads to manufacturing processes, which somehow ends with you watching extreme sports videos. Three hours later, your original task is still waiting.

ADHD brains are naturally curious and love new information. This is actually a superpower, but it becomes tricky when deadlines loom.

Time boxing: Instead of "I'll work on this project today," set a specific limit. "I'll spend exactly 45 minutes on this, then stop." Set a timer and honour it, even if you're mid-flow with something interesting.

One tab rule: When working online, allow yourself only one browser tab. This forces you to finish what you're doing before moving on. It sounds simple but it's remarkably effective. And yes, I do struggle with this one.

The parking lot method. Keep a notepad for interesting tangents. When your brain wants to explore something unrelated, write it down and promise to return later. This satisfies your need to acknowledge the interesting thing without derailing your current task. I know you've got lots of notepads, haven't you?

Getting Past Procrastination

Procrastination isn't about lacking willpower. For ADHD brains, it's usually about overwhelm - when everything feels too big, too unclear, or too much to handle. Your brain goes into protective mode, triggering stress and paralysis. Constraints break this cycle by making everything feel manageable again.

The two-minute start rule: Commit to working on a dreaded task for just two minutes. Starting is often the hardest part, and you might find yourself continuing beyond two minutes. The constraint removes pressure to complete everything and creates a quick win that feels genuinely rewarding rather than just relieving.

Specific planning: Instead of writing "clean house" on your to-do list, create specific constraints: "wash dishes for 15 minutes" or "tidy one drawer." These feel achievable and have clear endpoints that give you that satisfying "done" feeling - the dopamine reward that makes you want to tackle the next small task.

Fake deadlines: Create artificial deadlines before real ones. If something's due Friday, tell yourself it's due Wednesday. This creates the pressure ADHD brains often need while building in buffer time for last-minute adjustments. When you "beat" your fake deadline, you get a genuine reward feeling instead of just relief that you made it in time.

Taming Distraction

ADHD brains are incredibly sensitive to what's happening around us. That notification sound, nearby conversation, or wrong lighting can completely derail focus. Constraints help create distraction-proof environments.

Designated workspace: Use one specific spot only for focused work. This trains your brain to associate that space with concentration. Keep only what you need for the current task.

Digital boundaries: Use apps that block distracting websites during work hours. Enable "Do Not Disturb" modes. Put your phone in another room. These remove temptation before willpower enters the equation. Noise cancelling headphones were a game changer for me here.

Single-task focus: Despite what society tells us, multitasking doesn't work, especially for ADHD brains. Do one thing at a time. Close unnecessary applications. Put away everything except what you need right now.

Building Your Personal System

The beauty of enabling constraints is they work with ADHD brain patterns instead of fighting against them. They provide structure that helps your prefrontal cortex function better while still allowing for the creativity and enthusiasm that make ADHD brains special.

Start building your personal system by picking your biggest challenge area. Is it morning decision fatigue? Money overwhelm? Scattered focus? Choose one area and try one simple constraint. Let it become automatic before adding another. Start small.

Every ADHD brain is unique. What transforms my life might need tweaking for yours. The key is experimenting to find constraints that feel supportive rather than restrictive. These aren't rigid rules - they're flexible frameworks that adapt to your life while providing the structure your brain craves.

Your ADHD brain isn't something that needs fixing. With the right enabling constraints in place, it becomes your greatest strength. The same qualities that can lead to distraction and overwhelm can also fuel incredible creativity, innovative thinking, and the ability to spot connections others miss.

You're not broken. You're not lacking willpower. You just need the right operating system to let your brilliant, wonderfully chaotic brain do what it does best. The constraints aren't there to limit you - they're there to launch you into your best work and life.

A huge thank you to Jason Bennett, my ADHD coach, who introduced me to the concept of enabling constraints and helped me build the life operating system that changed everything. I can't recommend his approach highly enough.