You Are Enough: A Message for Midlife Souls Who Feel Broken

If you've landed here, chances are you're carrying a weight that feels familiar yet exhausting. Maybe you're lying awake at 3am, replaying conversations from decades ago. Perhaps you're scrolling through social media, watching everyone else seemingly have it all sorted whilst you feel like you're still figuring out the basics.

You might be thinking: "I'm too much for some people, not enough for others, and fundamentally broken somewhere in between."

I see you. And I want you to know something important: you're not alone in this feeling, and you're certainly not broken.

The midlife reckoning

The Midlife Reckoning

There's something about reaching our 40s and 50s that brings a particular kind of scrutiny. We look back at decades of choices, relationships, and paths taken or not taken. We measure ourselves against imaginary benchmarks that seem to shift just as we think we're getting close.

As a therapist, I sit with people daily who describe feeling like frauds in their own lives. The successful executive who's convinced they're about to be found out. The devoted parent who worries they've somehow damaged their children. The person who's just received a late ADHD diagnosis (like myself) and is suddenly reframing their entire life story.

These feelings aren't character flaws. They're human experiences, made more intense by the unique pressures of midlife.

The Rumination Trap

Here's what I've learned, both professionally and personally: our minds can become echo chambers of self-criticism. We replay moments where we said the wrong thing, made the wrong choice, or simply existed in a way that felt "too much" or "not enough."

This rumination feels productive – like we're solving something or preparing for future situations. But it's actually keeping us stuck, living more in our heads than in our actual lives.

I remember spending hours analysing why a colleague seemed distant after a meeting, creating elaborate stories about my inadequacy, when the reality was they were dealing with their own challenges that had nothing to do with me.

Other People's Opinions Aren't Your Truth

One of the hardest lessons in midlife is this: other people's inability to accept or understand you isn't actually your problem to solve.

Think about it. Someone's reaction to you says more about their own experiences, triggers, and limitations than it does about your worth. The person who finds you "too intense" might be uncomfortable with authenticity. The one who sees you as "not enough" might be projecting their own insecurities.

You cannot shrink yourself into acceptability for everyone. And trying to do so is exhausting work that never ends, because the target keeps moving.

Self-Acceptance: The Both/And Approach

Here's where it gets nuanced, and where real growth happens. Self-acceptance doesn't mean pretending we're perfect or that we don't have areas where we could grow. It means holding two truths simultaneously:

You are fundamentally worthy as you are right now AND you can continue to develop and improve.

I have ADHD traits that sometimes make me interrupt people, say something impulsive, or lose track of important details. These are real challenges that affect my relationships and work. Acknowledging this isn't self-criticism – it's self-awareness that allows me to develop strategies and ask for support.

But these traits don't define my worth. They're part of the complex, imperfect, beautifully human package that is me.

Focus on Strengths and Gains

We're often our own harshest critics, zooming in on the gap between where we are and where we think we should be. But what if we shifted focus?

Instead of: "I'm still not organised enough"

Try: "I've learned to use systems that work with my brain, not against it"

Instead of: "I always say the wrong thing in social situations"

Try: "I'm learning to pause before speaking, and people appreciate my honesty"

This isn't toxic positivity or denying real challenges. It's recognising that you've likely made more progress than you give yourself credit for, and that your perceived weaknesses often come with corresponding strengths.

The person who's "too sensitive" might also be deeply empathetic. The one who's "too intense" might be passionate and committed. The "scattered" person might be creative and adaptable.

Two Simple Practices for Daily Life

After years of working with people (and on myself), here are two practices that can help shift this pattern:

1. The Daily Evidence Gathering

Each evening, write down three pieces of evidence that you are enough. Not achievements or accomplishments, but simple evidence of your inherent worth:

- "I listened when my friend needed support"

- "I was patient with myself when I made a mistake"

- "I chose to rest instead of pushing through exhaustion"

This rewires your brain to notice your goodness rather than only cataloguing your perceived failures.

2. The Rumination Redirect

When you catch yourself in the spiral of "what if" or "I should have," try this:

- Notice: "I'm ruminating again"

- Ask: "Is this thought helping me move forward or keeping me stuck?"

- Redirect: "What's one small thing I can do in the present moment?"

It might be as simple as making a cup of tea, sending a kind text, or stepping outside for fresh air.

Gather your daily evidence

You Are Not a Problem to be Solved

Here's what I want you to remember: you are not a project that needs fixing. You're a human being having a human experience in a complex world.

Your sensitivity isn't too much. Your intensity isn't wrong. Your way of processing the world isn't broken.

Yes, we all have rough edges that could use smoothing. Yes, we can learn better ways of communicating, managing our emotions, and showing up in relationships. But this growth comes from a place of self-compassion, not self-correction.

You are enough, right now, in this moment, exactly as you are. And you're also capable of continued growth and change.

Both things are true. Both things can coexist.

And in that space between acceptance and growth, that's where real healing happens.

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If you're struggling with these feelings and they're significantly impacting your daily life, please consider reaching out to me. I've been there and I do understand. You don't have to navigate this alone.